My Shire and What it Means to Me

I am newly returned and rested from my Shire's War camping event.

It's one of the last camping events for our Kingdom's SCA summer season, and many regard this event as the season closer for camping before we return to day events indoors.

I can't tell you what a privilege it is for me to live in my Shire and be able to contribute to this event - but I will do my best to give you my thoughts on my local SCA group, what it means to me, and what I have received as a result of my contributions there.

But I feel like you should know my introduction to the Shire first, so... here goes:

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I grew up in a broken home, this I have told you as of my last entry. As a result, I spent a lot of my time  growing up searching for people who would give me care and attention and love that I did not receive at home. Unfortunately, childhood friends and elders who I respected were not constant - my family moved a lot, following my father's career for better opportunities. But I also had dear friends and safe adults who moved away from me. The one instance I moved back to a place I previously lived was a bitter disappointment to me, as former friends were either gone, or the ones who remained became strangers to me.

Finding my spouse was the first permanent person in my life who truly cared about me, regardless of the severe trauma and problems I had. When we moved to the city we live in now over 10 years ago, we were still getting used to marriage, and each other, and had no idea where life would take us.

It happened early in 2015 that the borders between church congregations in my area, of my church, was changing - suddenly, our apartment was part of a new congregation. We went to church seeing a group of people we did not know, and it was sad. But only for a moment.

You see, my husband eventually met a bright-eyed young man in that congregation who was interested in fighting with rapier swords. My husband was considering pursuing a History degree at the time, and he became very interested in trying out this weird new hobby that he had never supposed was available to him.

I was very happy to know my husband had found a friend, but I was not interested in swordplay. I encouraged him to go and have fun anyways, happy to know he was having fun in something that interested him.

It was three weeks before he mentioned to me that the place he was fighting at didn't just have people fighting. 😆

He passively mentioned that there were some people that dressed up in medieval clothes as part of the group he was practicing at. My literal gut reaction was "Wait, wait, wait: People dress up? Why didn't you say so sooner??" I grew up loving dress-up and pretending to be some princess or elegant lady, so of course I wanted the opportunity to do that!

I went with him to the next practice, and met many of the people who I work with today - including my best friend, the Knight who is teaching me how to fight with rattan.

And we've been here ever since.

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The people of our Shire have changed over the years, since playing in late 2015 - we live in a smaller town that has a university. Half of our Shire has been made up of long time residents of the area, and the other half has been college students who discover the SCA and then graduate. The Pandemic also affected our numbers in recent years.

This means our group grows and shrinks; and right now, it's on the shrink side.

But even with the change over of people, I still learned a great deal of what my Shire represents, and I am wanting to share that with you.

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First: My Shire fosters community.

I have been told that the origins of the SCA were founded in counter-culture: the first Known World party was held in California at UC-Berkley, where college students were looking to reject the modern concept of government and politics in favor of an idealized Medieval one, full of tournaments, and Chivalry. As a result, many modern day branches of the SCA seem to follow this idea, if not intentionally, by recruiting people who counter-culture from the area they live in; As an example, a very Democratic area may have an SCA branch with more Conservative players, and vice versa. Another example is that a place where one religion is very predominant, may have SCA groups filled with players of other, or no religious affiliation.

I am very thankful to know that my Shire is able to bridge gaps in our community: we have highly educated people, and we have people who have not pursued higher education. We have people who are religious, and other people who are not. We have people of varying income levels. We have people of various LGBTQA+ designations and ethnicities, and health status. Because the one major thing my Shire has taught me, is that truly anyone who lives within our borders can, and does, belong to this Shire.

If I was to ask people in my Shire, I'm very sure the members here would all agree that the glue that keeps us all together is two-fold: we love this hobby that allows us the chance to fight, make things, and express ourselves, and also, we leave mundane differences behind as we do these things. The main reason I have found that people leave our Shire, is when they feel these rules are broken.

I have had many times where I have talked with, and laughed with friends at our local Shire Night, watched friends make progress on projects, and fighting, and get together to put on events and give service to our rented space. We have also come together to have our voices heard in Shire business meetings. It has been my experience that once you've proven you're a member of this Shire, you always have a place here.

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Second: My Shire gives back.

The SCA is known for people who are eager to share what they love - often times, this is expressed in people teaching classes, donating items they no longer use as loaner gear, or generally giving guidance to people who are newer players.

Over the years, my Shire has shown me that it's willing to give a person fun opportunities and the supplies and support needed to fulfill those opportunities - all it asks is that you give back in return.

My Shire's War event from this last weekend saw a young family volunteer to help set up and take down our Shire pavilion. The oldest child, about 8 or 9 years old, remarked how much work went into taking down the pavilion, and asked if events were always like this. Her mother gently taught her that yes, all SCA events are like this - that if you want to have a good time at an event, it takes work to set up and take down things at events. That sometimes it's your turn to do the hard things at events.

I was so impressed by this mother's lesson for her daughter, because she was teaching the next generation of potential SCAdians the value of service: that if you want to enjoy something, you are expected to give back to it.

Honestly, I grew up understanding service was important by going to church. But I only really learned the value of this lesson when I began playing in my Shire - I was not asked to help out with any responsibilities in the Shire until I understood what it was to experience the SCA. And as soon as I had felt that magic, I recognized the call to give back. In small ways at first: teach a class, set up and take down pavilions, oversee an activity. And then in bigger ways: oversee a Shire event, oversee a Kingdom event, serve in a Shire leadership position and serve in a Kingdom position.

Our Shire is also unique to other groups in that we have had an arrangement between our long-time rented gymnasium for Shire Night: we have a set rate for renting the space, and two service obligations to help the community center the gymnasium is set in. By giving service, we have access to a free shed to store all our loaner gear. And so as a thank you to our community center, we give our time and talent to help raise money for the space.

So far as I know, other groups do not have an arrangement like this, but find other ways to give back to their communities. A group further south from us holds an annual Toys for Tots event, where Christmas gifts are donated to needy families. We've also held tournaments to raise money for charity organizations of various kinds. The spirit of giving and giving back is integral to the SCA that I know and love, and although I had previous exposure to service before starting the SCA, the idea blossomed by working in my Shire.

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This last weekend at my Shire War event, was a rollercoaster for me.

I was already stressed about not having a job. Then my sister contacted me to talk about my last blogpost. That conversation was very full and I'm still processing it, even now. I also handled a very unexpected moment in our Shire business meeting that will affect another event we are hosting soon. This happened the week before the event. Then I got sick.

It wasn't COVID thankfully, just a cold. But I developed symptoms the week leading up to the event, where I was in charge of coordinating setup and takedown for the event.

As the Seneschal of my Shire, I wanted to give the majority of our members a thank you for their service and brief relief from the service given, since our numbers had shrunk in the last couple years. I outsourced our volunteers for setup and takedown, so no one in our Shire had to do it. I also outsourced one activity, to give the person who had done it the last couple of years the opportunity to rest from that burden. The rest of the roles available were done by members of the Shire who seemed to truly want to oversee those roles.

As far as I understand our history, my Shire had never done this before - Certainly I had never done this before! I was very nervous not knowing how this would pan out, because it would either be good or bad.

But I was overseeing this activity, and if I got too sick, I wouldn't be able to do it. I did all I could to get better, so the burden of overseeing the volunteers would not be dropped onto someone else.

I also did not want to get my husband sick - he has been one of the main people that has helped with set up and take down for the last several years, and I wanted to give him a burden free event. But if I got HIM sick, then he wouldn't even be able to go to the event at all. So we slept in different rooms - my usual source of comfort and reassurance was essentially unavailable to me the whole week.

I arrived on site, on the tail end of sickness, experiencing THE worst stressed mental state I have ever had before.

I struggled to sleep. I struggled to eat. I couldn't keep my thoughts straight - the only thing that seemed to help my mental state was rehearsing Bardic pieces I wanted to perform in my head. I frequently checked in with myself to see if I should even stay on site - if I should just go home and let someone else do it, for my own health.

I was able to coordinate the volunteers for set-up on Thursday. As chaotic as I felt, and as chaotic as the process was, my 8+ volunteers got the setup done in just over an hour. I was able to channel the stress into productive management and physical work, which helped. And the volunteers were wonderful to work with: they were knowledgeable about pavilion set up, eager to help, and fast at doing it. It was a good experience, and I felt myself starting to relax afterwards.

It was at this moment that I realized I should have been over the cold by now, but that stress was delaying full recovery. I decided to stay, and take care of myself as best I could, to fulfill my role on Sunday morning.

And I'm glad I didn't leave.

Friday I spent the entire day resting, hydrating, snacking even when I didn't want to, taking medicine, and generally just forcing myself to breathe. I felt very bad for my household and adjacent household that I was camping with, because I truly felt miserable, and I wasn't hiding it. But thankfully, people were sympathetic, trying to help me recover as quickly as I could, and chatting with me about various things to take my mind off the sickness and stress I was experiencing. I am so grateful for my chosen family's help during this event.

Friday night was exactly what I needed: an evening with friends, sharing past memories, performing some music, and laughing the whole time. I took a shot of NyQuil and went to bed soon afterwards, which helped.

But I was still tired and sick when I woke up, and still had a few things to do.

I had enough energy Saturday morning that I ended up moving around to different parts of our site to check in on various activities. Everything was going smoothly, and people were having a great time. I was happy to sit down and chat with new and established friends, and I was able to assist a few activity managers with a couple things. Saturday evening was court, and afterwards, a Shire party started, where several games of chance were set up, prizes to win, drumming, dancing, and even a Bardic circle at one point was started.

Both Friday, and Saturday nights, I was able to perform a few pieces when Bardics were happening. I performed one of my original poems, a new Filk I barely finished at the event, and an SCA classic. My original piece gave people feelings I wasn't expecting, in a positive and silly way, so it appears people liked it, and people seemed to like the SCA classic. My new filk needs to be revised - I think the idea is good, but there's one stanza that doesn't fit the music it's based off. Regardless, I'm proud of myself for putting myself out there!

And I didn't sleep hardly at ALL Saturday night - I was exhausted, but the stress had built back up as I wondered how Sunday clean up was going to go. I eventually stopped fighting myself and got up super early to meditate before having to work on things.

Later, I ate what breakfast I could stomach, and then checked in with the volunteers to remind them of take down. Then I headed to the trailer, and reorganized it somewhat. The reason we took a little long to set up was because it took time to find the right pieces we needed for the pavilion and day shades. I decided to prevent that from happening again, so I moved pieces around until there was clear space for items to be stored.

By this time, the volunteers had arrived and were taking things down, just as eagerly and efficiently as they put the things up. We got done in under an hour.

IMMEDIATELY, the stress turned into pure bliss.

I had not taken my own camp gear down yet, so I went back and took my time getting it down. We have a new tent, so I walked my husband through the steps to take it down. And we took pictures of each loading stage into the trailer.

Normally, I don't want my husband to help me set up or take down our camping setup, because to me, setting up camp is part of my SCA experience. But on the off chance I am not well, like I was this event, I felt it necessary to find ways to make packing back up easier on my husband, or anyone else who helped. So we took pictures so we can laminate them, and tape them onto the door of our trailer.

It's rare to be able to slowly pack up, so I was extremely grateful the volunteers were able to give me that opportunity. They were heavily compensated for their time, in the form of early site access, getting their site fee comped, and receiving a gift of their choosing to take home with them. In talking with the volunteers, everyone seemed grateful for the exchange, and I felt that's what made the experience so pleasant: giving and giving back, just like my Shire taught me.

I truly can't wait to return to our Shire War event next year 😄

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Once we were all cleaned up, I got a ride home with my Bestie, and we talked about how the event went, and how his assignments worked out, and what we needed to change for next year. I admitted to my friend that I had never felt so energized after an event - usually I'm satisfied by my attendance to an event, but tear down is usually still involved enough to make me worn out by the time I get home. I didn't feel like I had the same tiredness this time around.

And after taking some time to review why I felt so energized, I guess there were a few things to report:

I think my stress affected how elated I felt - I don't think I would have felt as much bliss if I had not first been so stressed.

I definitely felt satisfied by the success received from giving my Shire members a year off from producing this event. It ended up working so well, that I want to do it again in the future, so I will be talking with our Shire officers to report on it.

And finally, I realized that I actually can trust myself.

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My ability to plan and execute a plan, even when I didn't know how it would work out, was brilliant intuition. I didn't give myself enough confidence to counteract the anxiety of doing something new. I am sad to think that I spent SO much energy worrying about it - but the unknown is difficult for me to process, and being sick also did not help.

Even when I was stressed, I forced myself to try to regulate my mental state - I used the anxious energy to go over Bardic pieces when I wasn't around people, and when I couldn't sleep. I forced myself to rest and eat and sleep and drink the fluids. I was honest about my condition without playing victim when sitting around the household kitchen table. I found my way to divert anxiety was somewhat successful, even if unpracticed and people still worried about me. Knowing myself so well to identify what is truly wrong (not just surface level wrong) is a blessing! Because I recognized I was not just sick, but also stressed, I was able to give myself more intentional care - putting to practice a lot of things I have learned over the years, finally having an opportunity to see how self-care can work under pressure.

I was able to recite a previously tricky Bardic piece in my mind, which reassured me that I did, in fact know this piece that I had been working on for a couple years. This piece was not performed at this event, because I want to give myself a smidge more time. But I got that piece down, and then started memorizing other Bardic pieces I felt I was struggling with.

Knowing that I can trust myself is enabling me to be more forgiving when I can't remember the next line in my piece. Trusting myself also means I feel confident that the lines will come eventually in the order the piece calls for. I haven't felt this kind of trust (performance or otherwise) in myself in a really long time - it's not a prideful one, or an arrogant kind of trust. It's trust rooted in confidence.

I used to have this skill years ago, when I did theatre in high school. But it was centered around becoming someone else - I had no desire to amplify myself on a stage, I desperately wanted to be someone else, due to the trauma I grew up with. It's only been in recent years, as I have gone through therapy and healing deep wounds, that I have tried to channel that confidence into my ability to be myself.

As a result, I have struggled to move forward in my Bardic career, despite me writing some good original material. But now, I feel like a previously locked door has been opened to me: I could have gone home at the start of the event, but I was able to recognize that I was stressed, not as ill as my body was trying to tell me. I also recognize that I didn't falter or stop myself from putting myself out there, even when the piece flubbed a tiny bit. I didn't self-ridicule, I didn't brush off compliments - I was instead grateful for the opportunity to perform, and accepted that I need to re-write a section. And it's no big deal.

Overall, the stress and anxiety was needed to show me I can do great things, and that I need to trust my ideas and thought processes more.

And I was able to do that as a volunteer for my Shire.

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I mentioned at the start that I come from a broken family. Well, in a lot of ways, the Shire gave me my first true taste of what a healthy supportive family can be. I feel eternally indebted to my Shire for being the first SCA group to give me love, support, and a place to express myself freely. I am indebted to my Shire for introducing me to my best friend. And I am so grateful for the continuing opportunity to give back to a group that has given me so much.

I am proud to say, I would not be the person I am today, without my Shire - I want to thank all my Shire friends and associates who keep me going, and I want them to know that to serve is a pleasure, despite being stressful at times.

Grateful for the past, excited for the future! 😊

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Thank you for reading! See you next time :)

XOXOX