Grit, Growth, and Questing - Finding my Fighting Spirit, part 1

The small step I described in my last blog post - the experience to take charge of my circumstances - helped me this past year.

Ever since I began playing in the SCA, I have struggled to find my drive. I liked making things, but I don’t feel I have the passion that Apprentices and Laurels have in research and creation. I like to serve, but I don’t want to serve all the time. I wanted to perform, but for the longest time, I felt I didn’t understand the SCA audience - And once I did, I had the same issue as making stuff. I don’t feel my passion lies solely in being a Bard, as my passion does not match those of my fellow Bard friends.

I love archery, but again, I feel my goals conflict with becoming a master archer: I shoot archery to practice being non-competitive, and for the sheer satisfaction of arrows hitting a target.

And yet, I felt something at King’s Road this past summer when I was doing archery: it was the Kingdom Archery Champion’s tourney, and it was a grueling test of endurance and skill. To complete the full course took about 3 hours, on a bright and sunny afternoon in June, with a small breeze here and there.

In the middle of that tournament, I realized I was in a place that was familiar: being tired and uncomfortable, and proving that despite those things, I could successfully finish what I started. Several entrants for the Champions tourney dropped out that day because of how intense the shoot was. But I was able to persevere, largely because someone was by my side having faith in me that I would be able to finish. The other part may have just been blind determination, similar to when I completed that Seven Summit hike.

I don't know if there is a term for this feeling...

I just tried to look for one, but nothing came up on a Google Search. Maybe I'm trying to describe "Grit", or "Perseverance" or "Resilience".

But maybe "Courage" fits this description: the courage to keep going despite opposition.

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It's a funny thing to think that I have courage. I usually associate courageous people with people throwing themselves at physical challenges and wars despite the physical opposition. And me? I almost always shy away from physical challenges. Those few times I have withstood physical challenges was largely because I didn't understand the requirements until I was already in the middle of the challenge.

So what caused me to turn to this fighting path?

This last Fall, my husband and I talked about how our Summer went. I had been able to go to a lot of SCA events this past summer, largely because I was unemployed and my Bestie took me with him to those events. I had felt myself grow that summer - I was not unemployed by choice, and I was looking for a new job that whole summer, but new employment only came in August. And yet, I felt myself grow in ways I didn't expect by going to SCA events. I came to understand myself, and do things that stretched my talents. I was able to reaffirm things I knew about myself, and spend time with my friends who encouraged me to be myself.

And my husband was not always there to see that happen for me.

I felt that I had many opportunities to grow, and he had not. So we talked for a few weeks about how we might have him "catch up".

We decided to create a quest for us to participate in.

Now, quests are not unheard of in the SCA - sometimes a Peer will send their student or aspiring student on a quest in order for them to grow. There's the 100 Pell Day Challenge, which is a sort of quest to prove your dedication to Heavy Fighting. But it's just uncommon enough that when my husband and I talked to people about our quest, that there was some confusion.

So here is our quest, which is called a "Consort Quest":

My husband Juan and I both agreed to enter this Quest together, for the purpose of becoming better consorts to each other. We both agreed to the tasks outlined below, and as of Harvest War of this past year (which was in October instead of September), we are currently still on Quest.

Tasks that Juan has agreed to complete:

1) Complete his Heraldry, so that all who see him on the field may know who he is.

2) Talk to as many Kings, Royal Peers, Knights, Masters of Defense, and students of the Listfield to understand what "consort" means to them.

3) Fight the next year, until Next Harvest War, without my favor, so he can understand what it means to not have a consort.

Tasks that Isabel (myself) has agreed to do:

1) Research historical favors and make one that suits both mine and Juan's needs, so that all may know whom he fights for.

2) Talk with Members of the Rose, and their representatives on the field, as well as members of the Rapier community, to learn what "consort" means to them.

3) Become a student of the Sword and Rapier, and don a helmet and raise a sword for the next year, until next Harvest War, so that I may understand what it means to take the field.

We have no one but each other to report our Quest findings to, although my husband's Knight acts as a witness to our Quest. At the end of reciting our tasks, I asked for my favor back from my husband, which he gave to me. Then I burned that favor, so no unworthy person could attempt to represent me on the field.

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I reiterate that this quest was originally meant for my husband to find growth. But in September, as we were still figuring out what this quest was going to look like, we talked it over, and took stock of where we were in the SCA. We determined that we needed to grow as a couple, not grow as any lone individual.

We have already overcome some big marital issues and are constantly working on personal issues -  but that growth did not extend into our SCA relationship. And after this past summer, it was more apparent than ever that our SCA relationship needed to grow. So we came up with things that my husband could work on, and we came up with things I could work on.

And as a result, I agreed to become a student of fighting.

I originally wanted to start with Rapier first - I had agreed to armor-up, despite not enjoying contact sports. So I had wanted to start with the more "gentle" sport. But in mid November, I realized that no matter how much I practiced my form, or thrusting a sword, or defensive maneuvers, I would not be able to fight the minute someone came at me. And this was because my mind wasn't set yet.

So I had to do some introspection. And thankfully, my job has been able to help me with that....

Stay tuned for the second part of this blog post!

XOXOX